Love and Pride
by Bernsteinnixe
Summary: It could have been a perfect love, if only he'd swallowed his pride...


Title: Love and Pride Author: Bernsteinnixe Rating: R Pairing: Legolas/Haldir (main), Legolas/Glorfindel Beta: Elvengoddess911 Summary: It could have been a perfect love, if only he would have swallowed his pride... Notes: This is one of my more serious fics... it is an example of what can happen when we choose to feed our egos instead of our hearts : (  
  
Legolas gasped for breath; droplets of sweat fell from his face and onto the ground, where they mingled with the Orc blood that dripped from his knives. Never before had he fought so hard for his life. Bodies of the foul creatures lay all around him. The warrior struggled to stay on his feet for his knees trembled violently from weakness.  
  
How he had managed to fend all of them off on his own, he did not know, nor did it matter. He struggled to gather his strength before the enemy caught him unawares. Just a few deep breaths and he could continue. Legolas wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, his face dark with blood and grime.  
  
An urgent cry of his name made the Prince spin around. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Not even his elven reflexes could have saved him from his impending fate. It was but a splint second in which, with a gleam of the sharp edge of a blade, his life flashed before his eyes. He sent a silent prayer to the Valar that his soul might reach Mandos, a prayer that was interrupted by another scream, a scream of pain... one that was not his own.  
  
The Uruk-hai smiled with satisfaction as his blade pierced the Elf's side. Finally, Legolas regained his senses. Realizing what had happened, his brow furrowed with rage, and with one quick thrust of his weapon he stabbed the creature's throat.  
  
Legolas' rescuer had fallen to his knees, and the Prince caught him just before he landed facedown on the wet ground. He gasped at the sight of the other's face as he leaned him backwards against his arm. "Haldir..." His voice was coarse and revealed surprise and confusion.  
  
How could this be? A mélange of thoughts whirled through his mind like a storm, as he gazed upon the face of the Elf he had always hated: the cold, selfish Elf who had been willing to sacrifice his life for him. All of his long held notions about Haldir were shattered in that instant. "No, Haldir. Stay with me." said Legolas, seeing how the Marchwarden's face grew pale and his breathing shallow. "Aragorn!" he screamed, spotting the ranger nearby. "We must take him inside," he started, breathless, when the Man approached.  
  
Seeing the severity of Haldir's wound, Aragorn shook his head, "He will not make it, Legolas, and carrying him would pose a great risk for us." In his eyes, Legolas could see that Aragorn truly did believe there was no hope— Haldir would die.  
  
'It cannot be true,' thought Legolas. He looked into Haldir's deep blue orbs and saw that they were unfocused, and full of pain. The body in his arms quivered, as did Haldir's lips. The Prince turned back to Aragorn, abruptly, and begged, "Please... he saved my life. I cannot bear to leave him here."  
  
(flashback) decades earlier during Midsummer Festival in Imladris  
  
'This has gone on far too long, I will make my move tonight,' thought Haldir as he began to braid his hair. He had been lusting after the golden- haired Prince of Mirkwood for centuries, admiring him from afar whenever some occasion made them cross paths. He gave his hair a few more strokes with the brush for extra smoothness and straightened his silvery blue robe. The Marchwarden have himself a final, approving look in the mirror. He was strikingly handsome and he knew it. Yet, despite this knowledge, his heart began to race at the thought of approaching the Prince.  
  
'What am I afraid of? No other has ever rejected me before, so why should he?' Though he did not want to admit it, deep inside Haldir knew why he felt unsure: Legolas was not like the others. He was not just another Elf he could toy with and discard when he was done. He knew that if he ever tasted those honey lips he would not be able to get enough of them—there was something about Legolas that made Haldir beleive that he was the Elf he had been waiting for, and it was not just his looks: it was his kind heart and selflessness, his eloquence and charming wit. These were traits that the 'Lorien Elf knew he somewhat lacked himself, but admired in Legolas.  
  
He had been putting this night off for many years, waiting for some sign that Legolas was interested in him. He oft wondered what ran through Legolas' mind when the Prince measured him with expressionless emerald eyes. Haldir rewound through their numerous meetings and short, formal conversations over the years. There was no way to tell how Legolas would react to his invitation but to ask and see.  
  
later  
  
Haldir grew more and more nervous as the night wore on. He had been waiting for a moment when the Prince would be alone so he could approach him, but Legolas was never alone. The Marchwarden began to fear that he would not be able to talk to Legolas at all that night.  
  
"You do not seem to be enjoying yourself, Haldir. Why are you sitting here all alo...oh." Celeborn realized what must have been troubling Haldir when he followed his gaze and saw the beautiful Prince of Mirkwood who was engaged in a conversation with Elrond. "You should go talk to him."  
  
"I am planning on it, my Lord, but the problem is that he is never alone," Haldir said, and grew twice as anxious when Celeborn left and made his way over to where Legolas was sitting. The Lord of 'Lorien whispered something into Elrond's ear and the two Elves retreated, after making their apologies to Legolas. Great. Now he had to go and suddenly no longer felt ready.  
  
Haldir hoped that his trembling would not be visible, as he came nearer to his heart's desire. "Good evening, Haldir," said Legolas, initiating the conversation. "'Tis a pleasant night, is it not?"  
  
"Aye, it is indeed," Haldir answered, though he knew that for him it had yet to be determined whether or not the night would be pleasant.  
  
"Is something on your mind?" asked the Prince, noticing Haldir's hesitation. He had a pretty good idea as to what the 'Lorien Elf was thinking about.  
  
"There is..."  
  
"May I ask what it is?"  
  
Haldir planned on bringing the subject up in a more subtle manner, but now the Prince was waiting for an answer, and he suspected that soon their privacy would be interrupted by other Elves, so he decided it was best to be straightforward. "Would you join me in my room, later tonight?" There was an unmistakable tremor in Haldir's voice when he spoke.  
  
It was a tempting invitation for Legolas, but he would not accept it. He hated Haldir, regardless of his good looks. He was the coldest, most conceited and narcissistic Elf the Prince had ever met. He would not give Haldir the pleasure of letting himself be added to his long list of meaningless flings. Still, it proved difficult to find the right words...  
  
"Does your heart already belong to another?" Haldir asked impatiently. The Prince's silence worried him.  
  
"Nay, Haldir. It is free, but I will not give it to you. Besides, I know that it is not my heart you seek."  
  
"I see," Haldir said, his voice low and disappointed as he stood to leave. "Forgive me for disturbing you."  
  
Although he felt like burying his face in a pillow and crying his eyes out, Haldir would not give Legolas the satisfaction of seeing how affected he was by the rejection. He joined his brothers who sat among a rather large group of elves singing around bonfire.  
  
Rúmil eyed his brother with concern. Haldir had told him of his intentions, and seeing the look on his brother's face, knew that Legolas must have turned him down. He put his arm around his brother and pulled him closer, knowing better than to say anything at that moment.  
  
Despite the weight hanging from his heart, Haldir behaved as if everything was alright: only his eyes showed his pain. It was not until he saw Legolas again, leading Glorfindel into the palace by the hand with a wicked smile on his face, that the Marchwarden broke down. His stomach clenched, his mouth went dry, and his blood felt as if it had started to boil. He rose quickly and disappeared before anyone could see the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.  
  
Haldir felt weak for having cried. He would never have believed that something so trivial could affect him so deeply. It seemed as if life would not go on. He tried to tell himself that it was Legolas' loss, that if he did not want him was not worthy of him in the first place... but that did not ease they pain. Legolas was not the one who was alone, with dried tears staining his face.  
  
He could see them as he lay in his bed. Legolas' room was positioned such that it could be seen from the window. They forgot to close the curtains, and to put out the candles. He could not tear his eyes away, even though watching them caused him more pain.  
  
The candlelight gave Legolas' skin a warm, golden glow. The Prince's hair hung loosely in the air as he threw back his head, arching his spine as rocked from the force of his lover's thrusts. Under other circumstances, the sight would have definitely aroused Haldir. Now it only served increase his awareness of the ache in his chest. He turned away; wishing sleep would come quickly so he could forget the pain. He was better off not knowing...  
  
The stench of burning bodies filled the air. Haldir could have been among them. The healers said he would not last long, that his injury would more than likely prove fatal, yet with every breath he took while carrying the bodies of the slain, Legolas prayed that it would not be so.  
  
For the first time since that night in Imladris, he wondered how Haldir had felt when he had rejected him. At the time he thought the Marchwarden would not care... that he would just move on to the next one on his list. Now he did not know what to think. Haldir had become unusually cold towards him since then. He always believed it was because he had wounded the arrogant Elf's ego, but maybe it was just a way to mask his pain. Legolas asked himself many questions, the answers to which he did not know, but one thing he knew for sure: if Haldir survived, he would give him another chance.  
  
Tbc.... The next part will be NC-17; you will be able to find it on my website and sooner on our list....  
  
Please review 


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